Some Thoughts on Love

I just got done watching “The Notebook.” I’ve seen it before numerous times and with every time I watch, I cry. This time was no different. However, the movie spoke volumes more to me. I don’t know if it’s that I’m older and been through things that relate or that I was actually listening this time. It’s very easy for us to mindlessly watch a movie. Hey after all, they are made for our entertainment. But this time I watched “The Notebook” I learned some new things. Well maybe ‘learned’ isn’t the right word… ‘absorbed’ is a better word. I absorbed some new things. My mind was bombarded with so many thoughts that I feel the need to express them. If you know me, it normally isn’t difficult AT ALL for me to do, except when it comes to love and relationships.

Recently in my life, I have been doing a little soul searching and thoughts have surfaced that I have found to be pretty meaningful. I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions about love and life. If I can do a good enough job, I’d like to share some of them linked to the following quote from the movie.

“The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more. It plants a fire in our heart and a peace to our mind.”


“…awakens the soul and makes us reach for more.”

I was raised in the Catholic Church, everything I’ve learned about God and my faith are rooted there. What I have come to realize is that although there are many things I like about the organized religion of Catholicism, there are just as many that I dislike. I won’t get into details but for me, the message that Jesus preached and the power of his actions is where my beliefs remain. Spirituality lies within you, your everyday actions and your relationship with God. “(love) that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more,” makes me think of the time I was sitting in church listening to my priest talk about relationships. He posed a question to the congregation, “Will the person you marry help your soul get to heaven?” The more I thought about that question, the more it began to make sense. A love that awakens the soul is someone that will challenge me to do better and be better in this life. I wish to be that for someone as well, kindly encourage him to be better, “awaken his soul… to reach for more,” by being his best friend and lover. I met someone that I thought had very similar values to mine and blindly I fell “in love” with the idea of him. He created a comfortable relationship and warm body on lonely nights. One day I woke up, years later, to find that man wasn’t at all the man I thought he was. The saddest part is that I knew all along his soul wasn’t providing me with the spiritual drive I needed. He was struggling with his own belief that a God even existed and I found myself constantly defending my entire faith, in hopes that he would simply believe. It was slowly eating away at me. I think there are many people in your life that can help “awaken your soul” in different ways but I’d like to find someone who is strong enough in himself and his beliefs so that we can help each other’s relationship in Christ.

“It plants a fire in our heart…”

My brother Matthew has often said things to me that make me wonder how his soul has become awakened. He and I used to go to Bible study together, he has recently moved to WV so I go alone now. He and I would have long discussions about faith, forgiveness, Catholicism, love, and all kinds of other topics that would come up in the group. Even though he lives miles away, we somehow continue to find ways to sparks one another’s interest with verses we find or other unique ways of looking at spirituality. I am always willing to learn new things when it comes to spirituality and he knows that. I bring this up because a couple of weeks ago, he sent me a video by Rob Bell, whom I had never heard of before. This man says things so that people will listen and he phrases them in a way that is so simple. He uses the Bible to explain many topics that we sometimes have difficulty understanding. The video my brother sent compares flames to three types of love referenced in the Song of Psalms from the Bible. So when I heard the part of the quote from the movie that says “It (love) plants fire in our hearts,” it brought to mind this video. Rob starts by saying that we use the word “love” loosely. We “love” a new pair of shoes like we “love” our spouse. I had never really thought of it like that, but we do! We tend to throw that word around a lot without understanding its deeper meaning. He goes on to explain three different flames (parts of love) used in the Hebrew language. The first flame was love defined as friendship or a soul mate. The second flame was commitment, a mind and heart connection to someone, when you would rather be no where else in the universe than with that one person. And the third flame is the sexual passion or the physical part of love. He then says that these three flames go together to make the big flame of Love. If we are without one of these flames, our love doesn’t shine as bright and we are in constant search of that one missing flame. If you really chew on it for a minute, it becomes pretty clear. Take each flame and dissect relationships you’ve had, you can find the one flame that was missing and relate it to why it didn’t work out. If you have all three flames with a human being you are connected as “one flesh,” which Jesus spoke of during his teachings and many people use that scripture during wedding ceremonies. The love I am looking for not only awakens my soul to help me get to heaven but plants a fire in my heart made up of three flames: friendship, commitment and passion.


“…a peace to our mind.”

I am truly blessed to have such a strong support system of friends. My friends have held my hand through some of the hardest times in my life and are there to give me a swift kick in the booty when I need one. They are always honest with me even when I don’t want to hear what they have to say and they challenge me to be honest with myself. I have been reading the book, “Lies at the Altar: The Truth about Great Marriages” by Dr. Robin L. Smith, given to me by one of my good friends, Emily. I’m not engaged or even dating someone at this time but because in my last relationship, I was so willing to sacrifice my feelings for his, Emily thought this might be a good read for me. This book tackles the “lies” people tell themselves about their mate through dating, the wedding and well into the marriage. This book came to mind when I heard the word “peace” from the above quote. To truly know some one you have to look at them for who they really are, not who you want them to be in you head. You have to be truthful and honest with yourself and only then are you at peace in your mind, otherwise you are telling yourself lies. Maybe that is why I could never get an answer to the question, “how did you know that he was ‘the one’?” People have always had a hard time explaining it but I think it’s because they didn’t have the right wording. After reading this book, I find that it might be because their minds are at peace with the love and truths of one another. For some, it’s a light bulb moment while for others; it took time for them to grow. In this book, Dr. Smith brings up the words, “love, honor and cherish.” These words are spoken at almost every wedding ceremony I’ve ever been to. She brings a new light to those words, a realistic meaning. She defined each of them by saying,
“Love is the commitment you make to be present in the marriage. That means being there for each other every day, even when life intrudes and you’d prefer to be somewhere else with someone else.
Honor is acknowledging and respecting each other as you are, and not harboring intentions of bending the other to your will.
Cherish is the way you express your love, respect, and compassion in your everyday life. Cherish involves actions-the tangible tokens of your regard and the requests you say yes to, the truths you tell and live. “

She goes on to discuss how you must be truthful to the person by not ignoring his/her needs, idealizing him/her or think only of trying to change him/her. I hope to know a man for who he truly is without lying to myself about him so that his love will plant a peace in my mind and we will cherish each others true self.

I have peeled some more rind away from this orange I call my spirit. On this journey, I will continue to search within trying to figure out what each relationship means and what it has taught me about love.